Bette Davis Hyman story
By Editorial Staff
Published June 1989
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA (FR) – Some Hollywood columnists have called her a profit-hungry writer cruelly capitalizing on the mistakes of her movie star mother. But Bette “B.D.” Hyman says she hopes that her mother will be able to experience the saving power of Jesus Christ, and she continually prays for her.
After publishing her first book, My Mother’s Keeper, which chronicled her life with film legend Bette Davis, Hyman wrote a sequel, Narrow is the Way, which is the story of her faith in Jesus Christ. The first book was written “as a plea for her to hear me before it was too late,” Hyman said. “I also believe that it gives an insight into aspects of her struggles that are of interest.” Her faith in Jesus Christ, she said, helped her cope with the subsequent publicity surrounding the controversial book.
Although to date Bette Davis has not become a Christian, and rarely communicates with her daughter, Narrow is the Way echoes B.D.‘s hope for salvation and reconciliation with her mother.
Five turbulent yet peaceful years have passed since B.D. and her husband, Jeremy, became Christians. Both of their sons, Justin and Ashley, are also Christians. Their conversion from agnosticism began when a Christian businessman unexpectedly visited them during the winter on their farm in Pennsylvania. “A man came to the door to deliver books for the Chamber of Commerce, and I agreed to buy one. It was the middle of winter, so we invited him in.” Mr. Serafino Fazio, a West Virginia businessman and outspoken Christian, was “half frozen,” and starved for outside company when they invited him into their home.
“We were bored and decided to bait the holy roller,” said B.D. “If there was one thing Jeremy liked more than prying into other people’s business, it was cornering holy rollers and arguing with them.” Educated in England, Jeremy Hyman went to church six times a week and twice on Sunday when he was a child. “He liked to say that he had not graduated from school but had escaped from church. But he and I were devout agnostics and considered religion to be for people who needed something to lean on. We only went to church for weddings, funerals and the odd christenings and were happy to keep it that way.”
B.D. related that they tried to trick the Christian gentleman with loaded questions. “We asked Serafino three questions: ‘Who do I have to give money to?,’ ‘Who’s church do I have to join?,’ and ‘What kind of religion is this?’ He didn’t quote any scripture, but said that Christianity wasn’t a religion because religion is man-made. We didn’t have anything in common, but invited him over for dinner a few times until he had to return to his office in West Virginia.”
The businessman sparked Mrs. Hyman’s curiosity about Christianity and she began watching “The 700 Club” and reading the Bible. “I was interested, but I wasn’t doing anything about it until a few weeks later,” she said. “It was 7:20 a.m., and I had just put my son on the bus. Suddenly, I was surrounded by the presence of Jesus and felt urged to make a solid commitment to Jesus Christ. I made a commitment, but didn’t tell Jeremy about it.”
She told her husband two nights later about her decision, but he viewed it as a temporary, emotional experience. “It was strange because we had been married for 20 years and this was the first time I stepped out and did something before my husband. We discussed Jesus a lot, and I asked him what it would take for him to believe. He said if I got healed of my back condition then he could believe.”
B.D. lived on pain pills and had a rare disease which rotted the ligaments in her back and caused them to literally wither away. “I was watching Pat Robertson on ‘The 700 Club’ when he began to pray for someone with my condition,” she explained. “He described my age, location, and back problem. The show had a one week tape delay, but I knew it was me he was talking about. I claimed it and was instantly healed!”
That same day she did some heavy lifting in her barn, and realized that she was healed. “I didn’t take any pills, and by the end of the day I did calisthenics. I was exhausted. But at home, when my husband Jeremy looked at me, he got teary-eyed and said, ‘The Lord is real.’ “ He soon became a Christian as a result of the miracle.
B.D. said her mother responded to her newly found faith by asking questions about Christianity. She even watched a few segments of “The 700 Club” because of her daughter’s testimony. However, the rift in their relationship continued to grow as B.D. grew in her faith. Eventually her mother stopped writing or calling her. In the meantime, the Hyman family moved to the Bahamas and joined an Assembly of God Church.
After a whirlwind three-week book tour for Mother’s Keeper, in which she was interviewed by U.S.A. Today, People, television talk show hosts, newscasters, and radio reporters, she returned to the Bahamas and began writing the sequel. “I wanted everyone, particularly Mother, to know that joy, to know that oneness with the universe and its Creator. It suddenly became important that I write to my mother. My book was in stores everywhere but it wasn’t enough. I had to let her know where I was and what I was doing. I had to remind her that nothing was over unless she wanted it to be over. I had to write to her and keep on writing.
“She wouldn’t answer my letters – I couldn’t even be certain that she would read them – but it was important to tell her that I loved her. Perhaps she would save the letters and take them out in moments of loneliness. She would know that I was still thinking of her. I wondered whether she would be angry that my life was better than ever and so full of joy. Would she try to figure out why? Was there really a chance that something, sometime, would awaken in her the knowledge that there was a gaping lack in her life?
“… What can convince her that we have to measure up now in order to inherit the future? What can convince her that fame cannot work a ticket to heaven, that Oscars will not fit the keyhole? What can possibly convince her that the only way is to say, ‘I accept you, Jesus, as my personal Lord and Savior?”
“I don’t know what will convince her, and it doesn’t matter that I don’t know. God knows … I won’t preach – I won’t even try to witness – I’ll just let her know what’s going on in my life and that I love her. Publishing my book has solved my problem but not hers. Praying for her isn’t enough. The least I can do is give the Holy Spirit the opportunity to work in her through the expression of my love.”
Today, B.D. and her family reside in Charlottesville, Virginia and her husband, Jeremy, is an illustrator of children’s books.
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Your comments are welcome!
Nobody knows the relationship between a daughter and mother. I loved Bette Davis and still do, but my beloved mom was much like her. The truth can be unpleasant and we can love people that are sometimes unpleasant. Give B. D. {Barbara} a break. You do not know the truth, she lived it.
Posted by Barbara Snyder on 07/27/2008 10:47 AM #
I do not agree with Jack Norman’s take on B.D. Hyman. Unless someone has lived under an oppressive and unreasonable parent, they cannot know. So it is unfair for people to judge what they cannot possibly understand since they likely never experienced anything close to what B.D. suffered. How do we know where we ourselves may draw the line with our own parents?…In B.D.‘s case, it was when her mother began to be verbally abusive to her own children and slapped one of her sons hard in the face for no good reason. Is it Christian to allow your mother to try to break up your marriage when that marriage has produced two children? Is it Christian to allow a controlling and abusive parent to control and abuse our own children right before our eyes? Yes, Bette Davis did have a mastecomy and a stroke and she likely had a personality disorder that needed psychiatric help, but B.D. was dealing with a strong-willed, famous, and powerful mother who was indeed so powerful that she had even taken a movie studio to court and won…Whatever the case, Bette Davis, as the mother, could have tried to compromise with her daughter’s request for peace if she wanted to, but she would not…If Bette Davis truly wanted to have a relationship with her daughter she could have, but evidence seems to point to the fact that Bette wasn’t willing to give in…She was more willing to lose the relationship with her daughter than to have it on B.D.‘s terms (which was to treat her husband and children with love and respect during her visits with them). There comes a time when a wife and mother has to take a stand for what is right and when faced with the very difficult decision, B.D. made the only choice she could i.e., her husband and her children. [Note too that B.D. was willing to be written out of her mother’s will thus losing her mother’s estate in order to have peace.]
Posted by Vicky Jackson on 07/30/2008 03:09 AM #
Hmmm…wonder why they don’t mention in this article how Bette Davis supported B.D. and Jeremy for years, and got nothing but a stab in the back for her efforts? She was far from perfect, but she loved her daughter intensely, as was her way. Jeremy did not like to work. When he did work, every business he touched failed. He fled to the Bahamas with his family after mailing the key to the family farm to the bank and leaving behind many angry creditors. People couldn’t STAND Jeremy. One was quoted as saying if the Hymans hadn’t fled the town, the townspeople would have had to “burn them out”.
Posted by Lynn on 08/14/2008 02:21 PM #
I read B.D.‘s book, and personally I believed every word of it. I am convinced her mother was a fire-breathing dragon just as Joan Crawford was the “Ice Queen.” Why do we put these people on pedestals? Celebrities are humans – sinners – with more license than most people to do as they please. Their very fame and riches deceive them. They believe they’re above it all. They don’t believe they have to repent of their sins. Why should they when there are so many people willing to flatter and accept whatever they do in the name of “artistic temperment.” They have been know to kill, or molest little boys and get away with it in America. Many people with stardust in their eyes don’t believe the truth about celebrities. This is a form of the most debilitating idolatry. It cripples the celebrity who won’t be reasoned with, and it handicaps anyone who dares to try to witness to them. (Most are afraid) I truly feel sorry for them though. God gave them talent, a great gift. Had they used their talent for His glory, think what they might have done. Even to hear a Christian celebrity inspires awe in most people. Actors are like Greek tragic heroes who truly “miss the mark.” “They gained the whole world, yet lost their souls.” P.S/ As to this bashing of the Hymans, why are people so desperately against the truth? Is Bette your goddess? Did she die on the cross for your sins?
Posted by joanne hairston on 09/17/2008 04:55 AM #
Joanne, what makes you so certain that it’s BD who’s telling the truth? It seems to me that you’ve decided to cleave to the word of a sensationalist author whose so-called Christian spirit didn’t even see fit to speak with her ailing mother before publishing a defamatory, tattletale novel about her, rather than the great number of people who came to Davis’s defense.
Posted by Kelly Sward on 09/27/2008 04:07 AM #
wow…I just read Joanne hairstons comments on BD and Bette Davis. I’d like to offer to pay for her cat scan. Totally off the mark. Just because the world recognized a tremendous talent in Bette Davis doesn't mean they see her as perfect personally….the point is, BD wrote this book while her mother was gravely ill. Christian?
She denied her children to see Bette when she was ill. Christian?
Face it, sweetheart…the girl saw dollar signs. BTW, just for the record. I love Jesus. :)
Posted by Joseph Farley on 09/28/2008 01:55 AM #
BD reminds me sadly of my own daughter, a child I adored, supported, and did everything for. Out of the blue my daughter simply changed and became a stranger to me. She refused to talk not only to me but to her siblings. She invented horrible untrue stories of her childhood and she truly seems to believe these stories. She thrives and being a “victim” yet she never was. Something mentally happed to my daughter when she turned 30 she is now 39 and none of us in the family are permitted to talk to her or her children and we don’t understand why. I know the pain Ms. Davis must have felt when her own daughter did this to her, I understand. At least the book about Crawford wasn’t published in her lifetime, BD is playing the victim for cash or maybe she is just mentally ill like my child and believes her made up stories. It truly is sad.
Posted by Dux on 10/12/2008 05:36 PM #
This is what I experienced growing up:
A father who shot himself when I was 6 years old, an alcoholic mother who threatened suicide constantly. She would send me to bed with the remark … “someday you’re going to wake up and I’ll be gone – dead and gone.”
I was told to kill all our animals because I forgot to feed them one night. The majority of my nights were spent alone in my bedroom listening to my mother cry, sob, and rage. She would burst into my room at 3:00am and scream that she hated my father, hated me and she wished I’d never been born. I was told I reuined her life by being born.
Practically every night for some 8 years, she would come into my room, enraged eyes bulging, threating me in new and different ways. Sometimes I would hide in the closet or under the bed or try and run away from home.
There are many more stories, but you get the idea.
I’m now 50 years old, my mother passed in ’87 and low and behold – this woman who would seemingly be called a “monster” is now … one of my heroes. Yes, she inflicted pain – but eventually I was able to look beyond my own pain and truly see HER pain. It’s no excuse for such abusive behavior – but it does give understanding from whence her anger, hurt and rage came.
In the end … when she died, I could truly forgive my mother for being human. And now, 21 years later – I understand who she was as a person and … I love and FORGIVE her.
Difficult circumstances were thorwn her way early in her life, but she was a survivor. She did the best she could with what she had at the time. During those years there were no support groups and no discussion “family secrets”.
I think B.D. Hyman’s book is disgraceful. Even if all of it is true – it is a disgrace and a selfish way to find healing – though I doubt that was Hyman’s motive for writing it. Revenge seems more likely.
In my opinion … Hyman, is not a Christian.
Posted by Tamara on 11/02/2008 03:25 PM #
Tamara,
The intensity of your story, as powerful as it is, is only overshadowed by the compassion in your heart. My father recently died. I think I could have easily written a book such as Hyman’s and meant each and every line. At my father’s funeral I began to discover just how many people’s lives my father had touched. How many people loved him and for good reason. I felt as though I was learning about a stranger, not the man I had known all my life. It did not erase my pain and in fact in some ways made it a bit more difficult; I regretted that I had not known this stranger. I do not know Hyman’s intent on why she actually wrote the book. I am am confident, the pursuit of profit and/or the satisfaction of human ego were co-authors. Ms. Davis was one of the most famous women in the world and by shaming her into ‘accepting’ the Lord by embarrassment is a low tactic at best. Ego driven people who profess to be Christians often self appoint themselves to become God’s spokespersons on earth and can almost without any apparent effort justify any and all actions they do as a revelation from the Lord —- directly. A book such as the first written by Hyman does not serve to heal, it wounds. It shames. I wonder in all the monies that Hyman got from her first book how much of it was spent on the purported goal of healing the relationship of daughter and Mum? On a personal note to Hyman, your mother stood not in your way when you wanted to marry at 16, how controlling could she have been? I think it is great that Hyman prayed for her Mum to understand, I would also ask Hyman to pray for herself to understand and, instead of talking, preaching or writing, just listen.
Posted by Thomas Mann on 01/19/2009 04:28 AM #
This is so mixed up. BD chose the wrong WAY to introduce Bette to Jesus and yes this can give those of us who love Jesus a bad reputation. BD should have talked with her mom about the immense love of Jesus and how accepting His love and living like Him is the only real way, truth and life. Since Bette loved BD – love would have been the way to go. Love from BD and love from Jesus. That could have worked, certianly not a rude book.
Posted by Ann on 01/20/2009 01:13 AM #
Bottom line folks: the Bible tells us to “honor thy father and thy mother..” It says nothing about respecting parents as long as they do what you want them to. Clearly BD missed this part of the Bible when she was reading it. Of course, the book about Bette was all true! I’m a HUGE Bette Davis fan and I’ve read nearly every book about her that was ever written and literally by ALL accounts, BD was NOT lying about her mother’s personality. BUT…..that still did not give BD the “right” to publish such a horrific and painful book of her mother, regardless of whether or not the timing was wrong. The timing for a book of this sort about one’s own mother is NEVER right. If Davis was such a “difficult” and “abusive” parent, then both BD and her husband could have taken steps to protect their children from their grandmother that didn’t involve writing a book and airing the family’s dirty laundry. Yes, I’m sure Bette Davis was a very difficult person to be around, but she was still BD’s mother and deserved BD’s respect nonetheless. BD’s actions are disgraceful, shameful, hurtful, and simply disgusting!
Posted by Mike Powell on 01/24/2009 06:25 PM #
I believed some of it. I think each incident related was embellished. I particularly thought references such as, “mother told me how ravishing I was” were a bit telling. Bette was portrayed as evil & B.D. portrayed herself as the sane,intelligent, “beautiful” one. That’s what I got from it. But I’m not buying it. Perchance, was B.D. a bit intimidated by her mother’s accomplishments? While growing up hob-nobbing with celebrities, did she feel inadequate? Just way too one-sided. Final words: I could never have done that (the book) to my mother.
Posted by Ro on 01/25/2009 04:24 PM #
It was ok for B.D. to take money from her mother. Her husband never worked and Davis supported them. What a human being. And she calls herself a Christian.Why did she keep taking money from her mom if she was so terrible to her.
Posted by susan on 01/26/2009 03:35 PM #
I believe B.D. was wrong in writing the book she says in the book she wanted only ruth elizabeth in her life not bette davis to show up in her life but she wants to make money off that name and now she is useing bette in her name when her name is Barbara. And through out the book she goes on about how neg. her mother is and not one thing she did wrong or jeremy. And she went on and on about everyone saying how pretty she was and how well she does this and that. Very concedided.It sounds like to me her mother did have alot of problems and her mother did love her alot and spoiled her alot.With the problems that her mother had I do not feel that it should have warranted telling the whole world,oh she says to get her Mom to understand what is wrong but that is no way to do it.How would she felt if her mother would have wrote a tell all book of that nature about her for the world to see. That is not right. I am not saying what Miss Davis did was right either ,But she did not deserve that from her daughter that says she loved her, A daughter that Loves their mother does not do that. You can never take that back. And now Miss Davis is gone and B. D. was not able to make it right with her mother before her mother left this world. I thank God I do not have anything like that on me to my mother when she left this world.I am sure B. D. has to be feeled with sorrow I know I would be..
Posted by Cee Cee on 02/05/2009 02:52 PM #
I go with Norman. I’ve read B.D.‘s bk , and thisnthat, The lonely life by B.Davis.
I am aOrthodox Jew so I do believe in G-d. We don’t believe in converting people. But we do believe in Shalom Beit=peace in the home. The fact that B.D. was worried about whether her
mother read her letters or not- is a big fat sign she needed to deal with her issues in Private. How can she expect her mother to NOT shut down when B.D. chose to embarass her mother in pubic. It is an insult after her book to then want to turn her mother to Jesus.
while the pressures of Hollywood may have added
stress to any normal life. At the worst I would give her a 5 out 10
as a hollywood mom. But she tried to do right by
her children.
B.D. a child of priveldge, not a high school graduate and extremely naive. she does not
deserve to be in the same room with her mother. Bette has been dead awhile now. Even when people die the relationship goes on..so
B.D. has had along time in hell on earth thinking
about how she did not honor her mother per the
10 commandments. What a contrast to Bette’s book the lonely life- that Bette dedicated to her
mother Ruthie. Bette adored her mother and appreciated all the hard
work her mother did. By the way in the end I give Bette a 9 as a mother even with all the flaws. I know Bette pasted all of G-d’s tests. May her soul rises higher.
Posted by a.dole on 02/13/2009 11:38 PM #
I am trying to contact B.D. Hyman and found her website; was not remotely surprised to discover that, though she offers countless opportunities for you to PAY her “in the name of God”, hers is one of the VERY few websites out there that does not accept emails. Once again, big surprise. The money that she and her husband accepted from her mother throughout her adult life is a matter of public record, yet she chose to vilify a woman who, though admittedly a bit eccentric, blazed a path for countless women, whether on the stage or as a mother. Ms. Hyman’s writing style, if one can indeed refer to it as “style” is nothing short of hilarious and again, one would think that her publisher, and you for supporting her in her ceaseless pursuit of the dollar, would be thoroughly ashamed. I’ll re-state the obvious – if her mother had been such a monster, why in the world did she entrust her two children to her care on countless occasions and for such extended periods of time – thousands of miles away from their “loving mother”? Obviously this email is several years late and as I am an avid reader can only express surprise (and extreme pleasure) that “Hyman” has just now finally reached my attention. Do not bother to respond to this email as your email address will be blocked from my server. You are beyond contempt – and there are simply no words to describe the greed, avarice, selfishness (what sins does she NOT exemplify?) of “hyman”. I only wish that poor Ms. Davis might have died prior to publication of this revolting piece of utter filth.
Bette Davis obviously suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder. BD Hyman was a loyal daughter until her mother physically abused her five year old son. I see BDs book as a love letter spoken in truth to enable her mother to repent of her sins. Jesus spoke unpopular truth too. Some of you people should try spending a day with a personality disordered parent and then see how judgmental you are. Shame on you!
Posted by sojourner on 02/26/2009 03:06 AM #
A true Christian or someone who truly understood Christ’s message of forgiveness and love would not have chosen to tear her family apart by humilating their parent in public. Regardless of the timing, which I personally find disgusting, or whether or not what Hyman says is true or not she (Hyman) should have shown more Christian behavior by dealing with these very private family issues in private within the family or else by living her life privately with own family without contact to her mother. Hyman is surely intelligent enough to know that by publishing this book she would only make the issues between her and her mother worse. I am in no way a fan of Bette Davis. Her career was a little before my time but I do have my doubt about some of Hyman’s account based on what I have.
As others have mentioned.
1. Why would an extremely controlling mother have allowed and been approving of her 16 year old daughter marrying despite public criticism. My guess is Bette put her daughter’s happiness above her image and her rights as a parents in this case. Hardly a mother obsessed with controlling her daughter’s life.
2. Why did Hyman and her husband as physically capable adults continue to rely on Bette financially up until the very end of their relationship…
This woman Hyman is a Christian with a very poor understanding of Christian morality. I guess she completely overlooked Christianity and the Bible’s emphasis on respecting one’s parents, not the mention completely overlooking the central tenant of Christianity FORGIVENESS. And no publishing a tell-all scandal book for millions of dollars is not the way to forgive someone or heal old wounds..
Posted by Lena on 03/26/2009 10:52 AM #
as a best friend to BD Hyman’s eldest son Jeremy Ashley, I can tell you that that was a needed book for her to write to bring the horrible and bipolar life that was with Bette Davis.
Jeremy says his grandmother was horrible in general. I don’t think one can be judgemental to BD when she is releasing the pain she had living with her mother, fathers and lovers. It’s nice to know she has found PEACE with her ministry and books
Posted by PG on 04/16/2009 12:00 AM #
I know frome personal experience how Bette Davis would be consideredbipolar. When I studied with her she was very manic and had no tolerance to those who did not act in a perfect way. She would scream at the top of her lungs and curse you if you did a scene up to her standards—she had no patienceIlove her films and have them all but from a personal objective I can see why BD wrote her book.
Posted by PG on 04/16/2009 12:08 AM #
I think everyone should be ashamed. When BD wrote the book, her intentions in her mind could have been good. It could have been a healing process for her, right or wrong. Who says that hindsight she doesn’t regret it? Also, are any of you any better by judging her? Be careful that you will not be judged by how you are judging. We all grow spiritually and sometimes what we have done, in good faith, as Christians, in hindsight, we would change and do differently.
Posted by Sherry on 05/08/2009 08:26 PM #
Ms. Hyman seems to have missed the forgiveness part of the message of Christ. ‘ Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us’…. Ms. Hyman is in a lot of trouble.
Posted by Christina Archer on 05/16/2009 02:36 PM #
As a Bette Davis Fan, I read “My Mother’s Keeper”, some 20 years ago and recently started rereading it. At the time I first read the book, I was not yet married and had no children. Now, as the mother of two, almost adults, I question, how/why at 16 was B.D. not in school? There is no mention of any education past elementary school and tutors at the elementary school level. I hate to think that my 17 year old, in the 11th Grade, has more education than this uneducated Peacher Girl. Do Educated People really take her seriously? B.D. seemed to enjoy all the perks that went along with her famous Mother, but then stabbed her in the back with “My Mother’s Keeper”. Family business belongs in the Family. Has anyone ever heard of “Don’t Put Our Dirty Laundry Out in Street”? The “B” in “B.D” stands for “Barbara”, Not “Bette”. She was named after her Aunt Bobby, Bette’s Sister. Also, no mention of her mentally challenged, adopted sister, Margot. After B.D. found god, did she go find her sister? Or was that somebody’s else’s job? My final thought is that B.D. is a Very Selfish, Mean Spirted Person. Now in her 60’s, do we, the tax payers and folks that worked our whole lives at real jobs, have to pay social security benefits to a women that never worked an honest day’s work in her life? B.D. always seems to have her hand out.
Posted by Cindy on 06/05/2009 10:15 AM #
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The Real Jesus explodes the myths of these critics and the movies, books and television programs that have popularized their views. Presented in ten parts — perfect for individual, family and classroom study — viewers will be challenged to go deeper in their knowledge of Christ in order to be able to defend their faith and present the truth to a skeptical modern world – that the Jesus of the Gospels is the Jesus of history — “the same yesterday, today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). He is the real Jesus.
Speakers include: George Grant, Ted Baehr, Stephen Mansfield, Raymond Ortlund, Phil Kayser, David Lutzweiler, Jay Grimstead, J.P. Holding, and Eric Holmberg.
Ten parts, over two hours of instruction!
Running Time: 130 minutes
$19.95 — ORDER NOW!
This article is so one sided. B.D Hymans was anything but Christ-like to her mother who had just undergone a mastecomy and a major stroke. She abandoned her mother in her hour of need and added insult to injury when she published the hurtful book “My Mother’s Keeper”. This book devastated her mother. B.D states in her book it was she that stopped all contact with her mother, not the other way around. B.D Hyman is a prime example of everything that is wrong with Christianity today. She gives true Christians a bad reputation!!!
Posted by Jack Norman on 07/12/2008 03:44 PM #