Bette Davis Hyman story

This article is so one sided. B.D Hymans was anything but Christ-like to her mother who had just undergone a mastecomy and a major stroke. She abandoned her mother in her hour of need and added insult to injury when she published the hurtful book “My Mother’s Keeper”. This book devastated her mother. B.D states in her book it was she that stopped all contact with her mother, not the other way around. B.D Hyman is a prime example of everything that is wrong with Christianity today. She gives true Christians a bad reputation!!!

Posted by Jack Norman on 07/12/2008 04:44 PM #

Nobody knows the relationship between a daughter and mother. I loved Bette Davis and still do, but my beloved mom was much like her. The truth can be unpleasant and we can love people that are sometimes unpleasant. Give B. D. {Barbara} a break. You do not know the truth, she lived it.

Posted by Barbara Snyder on 07/27/2008 11:47 AM #

I do not agree with Jack Norman’s take on B.D. Hyman. Unless someone has lived under an oppressive and unreasonable parent, they cannot know. So it is unfair for people to judge what they cannot possibly understand since they likely never experienced anything close to what B.D. suffered. How do we know where we ourselves may draw the line with our own parents?…In B.D.‘s case, it was when her mother began to be verbally abusive to her own children and slapped one of her sons hard in the face for no good reason. Is it Christian to allow your mother to try to break up your marriage when that marriage has produced two children? Is it Christian to allow a controlling and abusive parent to control and abuse our own children right before our eyes? Yes, Bette Davis did have a mastecomy and a stroke and she likely had a personality disorder that needed psychiatric help, but B.D. was dealing with a strong-willed, famous, and powerful mother who was indeed so powerful that she had even taken a movie studio to court and won…Whatever the case, Bette Davis, as the mother, could have tried to compromise with her daughter’s request for peace if she wanted to, but she would not…If Bette Davis truly wanted to have a relationship with her daughter she could have, but evidence seems to point to the fact that Bette wasn’t willing to give in…She was more willing to lose the relationship with her daughter than to have it on B.D.‘s terms (which was to treat her husband and children with love and respect during her visits with them). There comes a time when a wife and mother has to take a stand for what is right and when faced with the very difficult decision, B.D. made the only choice she could i.e., her husband and her children. [Note too that B.D. was willing to be written out of her mother’s will thus losing her mother’s estate in order to have peace.]

Posted by Vicky Jackson on 07/30/2008 04:09 AM #

Hmmm…wonder why they don’t mention in this article how Bette Davis supported B.D. and Jeremy for years, and got nothing but a stab in the back for her efforts? She was far from perfect, but she loved her daughter intensely, as was her way. Jeremy did not like to work. When he did work, every business he touched failed. He fled to the Bahamas with his family after mailing the key to the family farm to the bank and leaving behind many angry creditors. People couldn’t STAND Jeremy. One was quoted as saying if the Hymans hadn’t fled the town, the townspeople would have had to “burn them out”.

Posted by Lynn on 08/14/2008 03:21 PM #

I read B.D.‘s book, and personally I believed every word of it. I am convinced her mother was a fire-breathing dragon just as Joan Crawford was the “Ice Queen.” Why do we put these people on pedestals? Celebrities are humans – sinners – with more license than most people to do as they please. Their very fame and riches deceive them. They believe they’re above it all. They don’t believe they have to repent of their sins. Why should they when there are so many people willing to flatter and accept whatever they do in the name of “artistic temperment.” They have been know to kill, or molest little boys and get away with it in America. Many people with stardust in their eyes don’t believe the truth about celebrities. This is a form of the most debilitating idolatry. It cripples the celebrity who won’t be reasoned with, and it handicaps anyone who dares to try to witness to them. (Most are afraid) I truly feel sorry for them though. God gave them talent, a great gift. Had they used their talent for His glory, think what they might have done. Even to hear a Christian celebrity inspires awe in most people. Actors are like Greek tragic heroes who truly “miss the mark.” “They gained the whole world, yet lost their souls.” P.S/ As to this bashing of the Hymans, why are people so desperately against the truth? Is Bette your goddess? Did she die on the cross for your sins?

Posted by joanne hairston on 09/17/2008 05:55 AM #

Joanne, what makes you so certain that it’s BD who’s telling the truth? It seems to me that you’ve decided to cleave to the word of a sensationalist author whose so-called Christian spirit didn’t even see fit to speak with her ailing mother before publishing a defamatory, tattletale novel about her, rather than the great number of people who came to Davis’s defense.

Posted by Kelly Sward on 09/27/2008 05:07 AM #

wow…I just read Joanne hairstons comments on BD and Bette Davis. I’d like to offer to pay for her cat scan. Totally off the mark. Just because the world recognized a tremendous talent in Bette Davis doesn't mean they see her as perfect personally….the point is, BD wrote this book while her mother was gravely ill. Christian?
She denied her children to see Bette when she was ill. Christian?
Face it, sweetheart…the girl saw dollar signs. BTW, just for the record. I love Jesus. :)

Posted by Joseph Farley on 09/28/2008 02:55 AM #

BD reminds me sadly of my own daughter, a child I adored, supported, and did everything for. Out of the blue my daughter simply changed and became a stranger to me. She refused to talk not only to me but to her siblings. She invented horrible untrue stories of her childhood and she truly seems to believe these stories. She thrives and being a “victim” yet she never was. Something mentally happed to my daughter when she turned 30 she is now 39 and none of us in the family are permitted to talk to her or her children and we don’t understand why. I know the pain Ms. Davis must have felt when her own daughter did this to her, I understand. At least the book about Crawford wasn’t published in her lifetime, BD is playing the victim for cash or maybe she is just mentally ill like my child and believes her made up stories. It truly is sad.

Posted by Dux on 10/12/2008 06:36 PM #

This is what I experienced growing up:

A father who shot himself when I was 6 years old, an alcoholic mother who threatened suicide constantly. She would send me to bed with the remark … “someday you’re going to wake up and I’ll be gone – dead and gone.”

I was told to kill all our animals because I forgot to feed them one night. The majority of my nights were spent alone in my bedroom listening to my mother cry, sob, and rage. She would burst into my room at 3:00am and scream that she hated my father, hated me and she wished I’d never been born. I was told I reuined her life by being born.

Practically every night for some 8 years, she would come into my room, enraged eyes bulging, threating me in new and different ways. Sometimes I would hide in the closet or under the bed or try and run away from home.

There are many more stories, but you get the idea.

I’m now 50 years old, my mother passed in ’87 and low and behold – this woman who would seemingly be called a “monster” is now … one of my heroes. Yes, she inflicted pain – but eventually I was able to look beyond my own pain and truly see HER pain. It’s no excuse for such abusive behavior – but it does give understanding from whence her anger, hurt and rage came.

In the end … when she died, I could truly forgive my mother for being human. And now, 21 years later – I understand who she was as a person and … I love and FORGIVE her.

Difficult circumstances were thorwn her way early in her life, but she was a survivor. She did the best she could with what she had at the time. During those years there were no support groups and no discussion “family secrets”.

I think B.D. Hyman’s book is disgraceful. Even if all of it is true – it is a disgrace and a selfish way to find healing – though I doubt that was Hyman’s motive for writing it. Revenge seems more likely.

In my opinion … Hyman, is not a Christian.

Posted by Tamara on 11/02/2008 04:25 PM #

Tamara,

The intensity of your story, as powerful as it is, is only overshadowed by the compassion in your heart. My father recently died. I think I could have easily written a book such as Hyman’s and meant each and every line. At my father’s funeral I began to discover just how many people’s lives my father had touched. How many people loved him and for good reason. I felt as though I was learning about a stranger, not the man I had known all my life. It did not erase my pain and in fact in some ways made it a bit more difficult; I regretted that I had not known this stranger. I do not know Hyman’s intent on why she actually wrote the book. I am am confident, the pursuit of profit and/or the satisfaction of human ego were co-authors. Ms. Davis was one of the most famous women in the world and by shaming her into ‘accepting’ the Lord by embarrassment is a low tactic at best. Ego driven people who profess to be Christians often self appoint themselves to become God’s spokespersons on earth and can almost without any apparent effort justify any and all actions they do as a revelation from the Lord —- directly. A book such as the first written by Hyman does not serve to heal, it wounds. It shames. I wonder in all the monies that Hyman got from her first book how much of it was spent on the purported goal of healing the relationship of daughter and Mum? On a personal note to Hyman, your mother stood not in your way when you wanted to marry at 16, how controlling could she have been? I think it is great that Hyman prayed for her Mum to understand, I would also ask Hyman to pray for herself to understand and, instead of talking, preaching or writing, just listen.

Posted by Thomas Mann on 01/19/2009 05:28 AM #

This is so mixed up. BD chose the wrong WAY to introduce Bette to Jesus and yes this can give those of us who love Jesus a bad reputation. BD should have talked with her mom about the immense love of Jesus and how accepting His love and living like Him is the only real way, truth and life. Since Bette loved BD – love would have been the way to go. Love from BD and love from Jesus. That could have worked, certianly not a rude book.

Posted by Ann on 01/20/2009 02:13 AM #

Bottom line folks: the Bible tells us to “honor thy father and thy mother..” It says nothing about respecting parents as long as they do what you want them to. Clearly BD missed this part of the Bible when she was reading it. Of course, the book about Bette was all true! I’m a HUGE Bette Davis fan and I’ve read nearly every book about her that was ever written and literally by ALL accounts, BD was NOT lying about her mother’s personality. BUT…..that still did not give BD the “right” to publish such a horrific and painful book of her mother, regardless of whether or not the timing was wrong. The timing for a book of this sort about one’s own mother is NEVER right. If Davis was such a “difficult” and “abusive” parent, then both BD and her husband could have taken steps to protect their children from their grandmother that didn’t involve writing a book and airing the family’s dirty laundry. Yes, I’m sure Bette Davis was a very difficult person to be around, but she was still BD’s mother and deserved BD’s respect nonetheless. BD’s actions are disgraceful, shameful, hurtful, and simply disgusting!

Posted by Mike Powell on 01/24/2009 07:25 PM #

I believed some of it. I think each incident related was embellished. I particularly thought references such as, “mother told me how ravishing I was” were a bit telling. Bette was portrayed as evil & B.D. portrayed herself as the sane,intelligent, “beautiful” one. That’s what I got from it. But I’m not buying it. Perchance, was B.D. a bit intimidated by her mother’s accomplishments? While growing up hob-nobbing with celebrities, did she feel inadequate? Just way too one-sided. Final words: I could never have done that (the book) to my mother.

Posted by Ro on 01/25/2009 05:24 PM #

It was ok for B.D. to take money from her mother. Her husband never worked and Davis supported them. What a human being. And she calls herself a Christian.Why did she keep taking money from her mom if she was so terrible to her.

Posted by susan on 01/26/2009 04:35 PM #

I believe B.D. was wrong in writing the book she says in the book she wanted only ruth elizabeth in her life not bette davis to show up in her life but she wants to make money off that name and now she is useing bette in her name when her name is Barbara. And through out the book she goes on about how neg. her mother is and not one thing she did wrong or jeremy. And she went on and on about everyone saying how pretty she was and how well she does this and that. Very concedided.It sounds like to me her mother did have alot of problems and her mother did love her alot and spoiled her alot.With the problems that her mother had I do not feel that it should have warranted telling the whole world,oh she says to get her Mom to understand what is wrong but that is no way to do it.How would she felt if her mother would have wrote a tell all book of that nature about her for the world to see. That is not right. I am not saying what Miss Davis did was right either ,But she did not deserve that from her daughter that says she loved her, A daughter that Loves their mother does not do that. You can never take that back. And now Miss Davis is gone and B. D. was not able to make it right with her mother before her mother left this world. I thank God I do not have anything like that on me to my mother when she left this world.I am sure B. D. has to be feeled with sorrow I know I would be..

Posted by Cee Cee on 02/05/2009 03:52 PM #

I go with Norman. I’ve read B.D.‘s bk , and thisnthat, The lonely life by B.Davis.
I am aOrthodox Jew so I do believe in G-d. We don’t believe in converting people. But we do believe in Shalom Beit=peace in the home. The fact that B.D. was worried about whether her
mother read her letters or not- is a big fat sign she needed to deal with her issues in Private. How can she expect her mother to NOT shut down when B.D. chose to embarass her mother in pubic. It is an insult after her book to then want to turn her mother to Jesus.
while the pressures of Hollywood may have added
stress to any normal life. At the worst I would give her a 5 out 10
as a hollywood mom. But she tried to do right by
her children.
B.D. a child of priveldge, not a high school graduate and extremely naive. she does not deserve to be in the same room with her mother. Bette has been dead awhile now. Even when people die the relationship goes on..so
B.D. has had along time in hell on earth thinking
about how she did not honor her mother per the
10 commandments. What a contrast to Bette’s book the lonely life- that Bette dedicated to her
mother Ruthie. Bette adored her mother and appreciated all the hard
work her mother did. By the way in the end I give Bette a 9 as a mother even with all the flaws. I know Bette pasted all of G-d’s tests. May her soul rises higher.

Posted by a.dole on 02/14/2009 12:38 AM #

I am trying to contact B.D. Hyman and found her website; was not remotely surprised to discover that, though she offers countless opportunities for you to PAY her “in the name of God”, hers is one of the VERY few websites out there that does not accept emails. Once again, big surprise. The money that she and her husband accepted from her mother throughout her adult life is a matter of public record, yet she chose to vilify a woman who, though admittedly a bit eccentric, blazed a path for countless women, whether on the stage or as a mother. Ms. Hyman’s writing style, if one can indeed refer to it as “style” is nothing short of hilarious and again, one would think that her publisher, and you for supporting her in her ceaseless pursuit of the dollar, would be thoroughly ashamed. I’ll re-state the obvious – if her mother had been such a monster, why in the world did she entrust her two children to her care on countless occasions and for such extended periods of time – thousands of miles away from their “loving mother”? Obviously this email is several years late and as I am an avid reader can only express surprise (and extreme pleasure) that “Hyman” has just now finally reached my attention. Do not bother to respond to this email as your email address will be blocked from my server. You are beyond contempt – and there are simply no words to describe the greed, avarice, selfishness (what sins does she NOT exemplify?) of “hyman”. I only wish that poor Ms. Davis might have died prior to publication of this revolting piece of utter filth.

Posted by marcy on 02/18/2009 01:48 PM #

Bette Davis obviously suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder. BD Hyman was a loyal daughter until her mother physically abused her five year old son. I see BDs book as a love letter spoken in truth to enable her mother to repent of her sins. Jesus spoke unpopular truth too. Some of you people should try spending a day with a personality disordered parent and then see how judgmental you are. Shame on you!

Posted by sojourner on 02/26/2009 04:06 AM #

A true Christian or someone who truly understood Christ’s message of forgiveness and love would not have chosen to tear her family apart by humilating their parent in public. Regardless of the timing, which I personally find disgusting, or whether or not what Hyman says is true or not she (Hyman) should have shown more Christian behavior by dealing with these very private family issues in private within the family or else by living her life privately with own family without contact to her mother. Hyman is surely intelligent enough to know that by publishing this book she would only make the issues between her and her mother worse. I am in no way a fan of Bette Davis. Her career was a little before my time but I do have my doubt about some of Hyman’s account based on what I have.
As others have mentioned.
1. Why would an extremely controlling mother have allowed and been approving of her 16 year old daughter marrying despite public criticism. My guess is Bette put her daughter’s happiness above her image and her rights as a parents in this case. Hardly a mother obsessed with controlling her daughter’s life.
2. Why did Hyman and her husband as physically capable adults continue to rely on Bette financially up until the very end of their relationship…

This woman Hyman is a Christian with a very poor understanding of Christian morality. I guess she completely overlooked Christianity and the Bible’s emphasis on respecting one’s parents, not the mention completely overlooking the central tenant of Christianity FORGIVENESS. And no publishing a tell-all scandal book for millions of dollars is not the way to forgive someone or heal old wounds..

Posted by Lena on 03/26/2009 11:52 AM #

as a best friend to BD Hyman’s eldest son Jeremy Ashley, I can tell you that that was a needed book for her to write to bring the horrible and bipolar life that was with Bette Davis.

Jeremy says his grandmother was horrible in general. I don’t think one can be judgemental to BD when she is releasing the pain she had living with her mother, fathers and lovers. It’s nice to know she has found PEACE with her ministry and books

Posted by PG on 04/16/2009 01:00 AM #

I know frome personal experience how Bette Davis would be consideredbipolar. When I studied with her she was very manic and had no tolerance to those who did not act in a perfect way. She would scream at the top of her lungs and curse you if you did a scene up to her standards—she had no patienceIlove her films and have them all but from a personal objective I can see why BD wrote her book.

Posted by PG on 04/16/2009 01:08 AM #

I think everyone should be ashamed. When BD wrote the book, her intentions in her mind could have been good. It could have been a healing process for her, right or wrong. Who says that hindsight she doesn’t regret it? Also, are any of you any better by judging her? Be careful that you will not be judged by how you are judging. We all grow spiritually and sometimes what we have done, in good faith, as Christians, in hindsight, we would change and do differently.

Posted by Sherry on 05/08/2009 09:26 PM #

Ms. Hyman seems to have missed the forgiveness part of the message of Christ. ‘ Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us’…. Ms. Hyman is in a lot of trouble.

Posted by Christina Archer on 05/16/2009 03:36 PM #

wow ..sojourner what med school did you go too? What was abusive to the 5 year old grandson? A spanking? as told by children,,,are you crazy?

Posted by Joyce on 05/28/2009 05:11 PM #

As a Bette Davis Fan, I read “My Mother’s Keeper”, some 20 years ago and recently started rereading it. At the time I first read the book, I was not yet married and had no children. Now, as the mother of two, almost adults, I question, how/why at 16 was B.D. not in school? There is no mention of any education past elementary school and tutors at the elementary school level. I hate to think that my 17 year old, in the 11th Grade, has more education than this uneducated Peacher Girl. Do Educated People really take her seriously? B.D. seemed to enjoy all the perks that went along with her famous Mother, but then stabbed her in the back with “My Mother’s Keeper”. Family business belongs in the Family. Has anyone ever heard of “Don’t Put Our Dirty Laundry Out in Street”? The “B” in “B.D” stands for “Barbara”, Not “Bette”. She was named after her Aunt Bobby, Bette’s Sister. Also, no mention of her mentally challenged, adopted sister, Margot. After B.D. found god, did she go find her sister? Or was that somebody’s else’s job? My final thought is that B.D. is a Very Selfish, Mean Spirted Person. Now in her 60’s, do we, the tax payers and folks that worked our whole lives at real jobs, have to pay social security benefits to a women that never worked an honest day’s work in her life? B.D. always seems to have her hand out.

Posted by Cindy on 06/05/2009 11:15 AM #

So let’s look at chronology, BD went to hospital hoping her Mother would die, she was informed her Mothers estate was basically broke and her Mother could no longer support her. She decides the ONLY way she could earn money was to write an exaggerated book. But Mother did not die (but also still could not support her) so she and her family ran off to the Bahamas, to hide from creditors, and sell her book. God forgive her. She will not be seeing her Mother, who is in heaven. Her Mother’s estate was mostly what was received from her awards being auctioned off, no real property or money. BD got a big piece of it already, nothing much left…….

Posted by Joyce on 06/12/2009 05:54 PM #

I’ve just finished Mrs. Hyman’s book.
I am a what she terms “Holy Roller”.
Her book gave me insight more to her Mother’s LOVE for her (B D).
I understand that B D and her husband may not have known the Lord when the book was written, however hearing over and over how much Bette LOVED her daughter and all B D would have needed to do was insure her Mother of her LOVE!
Also I would like to point out that to leave her smallest child screaming and begging her NOT to leave him would have made me completely change plans immediately.
Not to mention that her oldest son doing the movie and having such severe problems would have had me on the next plane there to protect my child.
Neither I nor anyone else is B D’s judge that is totally up to God but putting the book out there as her Mother was facing one of the worst battles of her life, it is so sad that Ms.Davis who was and still is one of the most Beloved stars of the silver screen.
If Bette had a problem and needed mental care as her daughter if she loved and cherished her Mother would have forced her into getting the help she needed so badly.
I’ve watched old talk shows in which Bette never did anything but PRAISE her daughter.
In fact reading the book and how she dared speak to her Mother at a young age was disgushing.
B D never spoke of physical abuse of her or her brother at the hands of her Mother however she talked about her Mother’s abuse of her children
I firmly believe that B D did not desire or care about her Mother recovering after the cancer and strokes.
Why oh why did you not cut her off when as you described her outrageous behavior,in the beginning why did you not just walk away for good then.
Nobody held a gun to your head or twisted your arm to make you stay.
This book is far worse than Mommie Dearest which I also failed to believe.
B D pray for yourself. you could and should have handled this so much better.
Your Dear Mother supported you all your married life only to have you (the one she wanted LOVE from the most) to rake her over the coals in her hour of need.
When we all stand before God how do you intend to explain your hateful treatment of your Mother??

Posted by Sarah on 07/06/2009 12:26 AM #

There’s never any justification for betraying a parent. If you have a problem with your mother or father, you suck it up. Whatever you may feel, you owe them at least that. BD wrote her book for money. I just wish she were Christian enough to admit it.

Posted by Lyon on 07/17/2009 09:03 PM #

I just finished watching a program about Bette Davis on TCM. It is very hard to believe that this woman B.D. Hyman might be a so-called Christian. “Christianese” perhaps!! I can’t understand how she can talk about her mother the way she did and claim that she believes in God! I am a Christian, believe in God and love my mother and the rest of my family, even though my mom was not very nice to me. But I can understand that she had problems and if she was mean, many times it was the alcohol talking, not her. This B.D. Hyman is not a Christian in my book, but someone who is still riding on the coattails of her mother. How sad that she is nothing and has to be known as Bette Davis daughter to count for something.

Posted by Vicky on 08/08/2009 09:15 PM #

I’m a Christian, also a fairly recent convert, or revert really back to the Catholic Church that I grew up in. I also was raised by parents who I think suffered from some serious psychological problems, and I was abused horribly when I was a kid. I don’t know what sort of parent Bette Davis was. Often great talent and great ambition can be difficult to deal with up close.

What is distressing is the BD Hyman never seems to use the words, “I’m sorry” or never expresses any sort of repentance that I can see. I know that my parents problems lead me down a path where I ended up doing a lot of bad things myself. I don’t beat myself up over what I became, but I still apologize for what I did. BD gives the familiar lines about not preaching, while she in fact is preaching.

Perhaps a lot of my problems stems from cultural and religious differences between the Catholic Church and these independent, do-it-yourself sects of Christianity. The Catholic Church is made up of humans and as such makes many mistakes. But it is an old tradition, with a quiet, deep spirituality. Perhaps BD could learn from the wisdom of the past, and learn most of all to be silent about things that are in the past.

The best evangelism comes not from hitting people over the head as happens too often, but in living your life in a way that astounds the world. Perhaps if BD had apologized to her mother in her second book, I would take her faith more seriously.

But Jesus heals us, just not all at once. Perhaps this is what is happening to BD. I don’t know.

Posted by MarkF on 08/08/2009 09:17 PM #

Bette Davis should have cooked her daughter a RAT for dinner after writting that book!!!

Posted by Scott on 08/08/2009 10:35 PM #

I am one of the thousands and thousands of people who like B D has suffered from the hands of an abusive parent. I haven’t written a book, but could, my father just was not famous like her Mom so it probably would not have near the impact on peoples lives. I have written a lot in regard to the abuse and thrown it in the trash. I would never judge B D neither should anyone else, there is only one judge. I am truly sorry for this life that was almost destroyed but what the devil means for harm, God uses it for His good. Life deals humanity horrible blows but thru the cross all has been forgiven and covered by the blood of Jesus. My past is dead, why go back and drag up dead stuff. Thank God, for His mercy, grace and forgivness because thru all of these comes healing and restoration. I am a 60 year old woman married to the same man for 43 years had many difficult times we have three sons two of which are pastors the youngest has his media business working for a church in Dallas.I spent many years in prayer and standing for them and I thank God a curse has been broken over both my and my husband’s family. We all have our own thoughts and ideas but there is only one that is truly right about it all and He is sitting at the right had of God our Father and has sent the Holy Spirit to direct us thru this life until the day of Jesus return. I believe B D will keep the main thing, the main thing-salvation and that Jesus is the only way, the only true way.

Posted by Renae Welch on 08/08/2009 10:53 PM #